Where’s the grey?

I feel like there’s no grey in my life. By that I mean I’m either one extreme or the other. Now I’m not talking about mood currently but more about lifestyle. I either love people or hate them. I either love life or hate it. I’m laying here wondering if I’ll ever love Joe the way I did in December and January or if that ship has sailed far far away. After a fight yesterday he told me that he believes we have the same view on life. Just him saying that made me think ignored. Has he heard anything about my life? We are so different and I don’t know why I see it but he doesn’t . I want to live in the middle of no where with someone special. I want to live off of the land and barely make a dime. I don’t have any desire to travel. He has to be around people. He has to impress people. He had to make lots of money and own lots of things. Why are we together??? He is the least caring person. I don’t know where to go. I clearly have something wrong with me because I don’t feel welcome to go back home but how did I find a man like this? Yesterday we got into a fight and he said we should end it. I agreed and freaked out and said we could work. Why does someone who shows no care for me want me around. I need to change my actions. Where is my mountain man?Where is my roofer? Where is my railroad worker? Where is a man that I can proudly call my man? I’m not looking for perfection actually I seem very attracted to a guy that doesn’t seem perfect… I’m lost

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