Last step to an eating disorder

In the last year I have lost 50 lbs. sure I deserve a congratulations for it because I lost it in a healthy way… But it might not have been has healthy as I preceived it in my mind. I’ve slowly have been going down hill. With my life suddenly being out of control I felt like I had to micro manage what I ate and anything I put in my body as a way to feel control over some part of my life. I slowly gained control again and felt comfortable eating foods I wanted too but never put on weight. Now that I’m lighter I have the worst self esteem I’ve had in my life. When I was “chubby” I got so much attention I was happy and comfortable with myself. I was great in bed and now what am I? I’m an awkward unhappy girl who had a better body you would never notice because her personality is so hard to get along with. But now I have Austin the man I thought I was in love with but now see as someone who might push to be a compulsive exerciser and I already feel completely guilty for eating foods not that bad….