Bipolar so settle?

So I’ve been in Omaha since august now. I did get hospitalized in December and got some really good therapy but now ive been back and am not really getting good therapy at all. I’m in a relationship now with a man I do believe I love but each day I do think multiple times “Am I settling?” “Can I get better?”. He is very caring some of the time but there are times where I feel like an alien.
Joe comes from a different world. Its like a movie. two different types of people coming together to make a couple. He has seen no human suffering. The worst thing about his child hood was hearing his parents fight. I’m jealous. I wish that’s all I experienced negatively has a child. I wish I wasn’t left alone I wish I had an education. He makes a big deal to me about getting a college education and he asks like I haven’t worked for anything I have. Its hard just to get through day to day life. Battling thoughts in my head and my goal in life is to be happy and have enough money to eat and have a house. He wants to travel and “make a difference” his idea of that is to help people with sustainability. That seems like non sense to me. Yes we all shouldn’t take more than we need but this comes from a man who owns every new electronic, owns and smokes out of $1,000 + bongs and will only eat organic foods. I just cant see him making much of a difference.
I wonder am I settling? I get my feelings hurt daily by him but I can tell he cares. When we talk about things though I cant believe how different our worlds have been. I work so hard at life and he thinks ive been slacking. I don’t want him to feel bad for me but id like for him to awknowledge where I come from and that I work hard to live.
i’m too exhausted to edit this but want to post it so I apologize now


My impossible man


I have a view in my head of this perfect man. Now everyone knows that view in your head will never come 100 % true but I’m¬†wondering if any of these qualities exist in a man at all. First off what I’m looking for in a relationship is just very contradicting of itself. I want a traditionalist man who will let me be my wild self. I want a man who is happy bringing home the money while I stay at home and cook, clean and raise the children but I also want a man who’s happy with my open beliefs and has very similar taste in the bedroom which are completely different and not traditional at all. This man I have in my head has a physical labor job and is very strong and handy but yet is also smarter than me. Is it some sick flaw I have that I want a man smarter than me? I love it when men are smart and can help me out. I have this view of a quiet biker man with rugged hair and somewhat a little dirty from work. I’m a very loud talkative person and I want a man that only talks when he has something important to say. Not outward overly loving but loving and you can tell by the way he talks. I want him proud of me and how I can cook and clean. how do you find a traditionalist¬†anyway? This man in my head is perfectly fine with living in the country on an old farm. In my future married life I see a very simplified life that involves living off the land and only having what we need. Are children will have what the need to have fun but I want them to have games that revolve around education and to play instruments and music for fun instead of video games. I want tv to be a story to them not an everyday activity. The very sad thing about my future dreams is how hard it is to leave such a simple life in these times and how no one craves simplicity anymore.